Monday, August 30, 2010

7 Recent Awkward Moments

1. The hostess used an unnecessary loud voice to announce to the waitress, "It's only a party of one." Thanks ma'am. I'm sure the whole restaurant already noticed me standing by myself with my book but maybe there was a couple in the back who hadn't noticed me yet.

2. I said hi to someone who didn't hear me and kept walking. This isn't too awkward if no one else witnesses because you can pretend like it never happened. However, when someone else is there, you'll feel like a complete fool.

3. I didn't hear the question properly so I gave a response that didn't make sense. A janitor was speeding by on a golf cart and asked, "how was your summer?" For some reason I had assumed he was going to ask about the weather so I said, "Yeah, it's nice." Idiot Katie. The worst time I did this was when the president of Westmont was walking by just after my friend had smashed an icecream cone in my face. Apparently he asked, "WHAT are you doing?" but I responded with, "Good. How are you?" Actually, it was probably worse when my sister told me she was pregnant for the first time and I responded with, "Cool. What'd you do today?"

4. I made eye contact with a former student and we both pretended it never happened. I know kids get weirded out when they see their teachers in public so I can understand why he averted his eyes so quickly but I still don't know why I did. Unless I'm wearing my pajamas, I usually like to make the kid feel even more awkward and have to introduce me to whomever he/she is with.

5. I shook hands with an acquaintance who grabbed too early and only gripped my fingers. This guy is a loose cannon when it comes to hand shakes and high fives. The only other time I saw him, he gave me the windmill high five. So when he started to approach me with his hand raised, I was prepping myself for the windmill but instead, he went for the grab but clenched too soon and only got the end of my hand so I couldn't even shake. To make matters worse, this happened right in front of my brother Trent who loves to notice when I'm awkward and try to make me more awkward. I need to show this guy this tutorial on high five etiquette.

6. My roommate caught me talking to my cat. I didn't see her sitting in the living room but I did see Dotty. I did my typical greeting for my cat and said, "Sup Dotty?" as I waved at her with only my index finger. "What'd you say?" Crap. Why is she sitting in the dark? "Um...never mind." Snoe- if you read this, I said, "sup Dotty?" This was not nearly as embarrassing as the time another roommate caught me whispering "hamburglar" to myself. She was sneaking up on me to scare me and at that exact moment, I decided to see what it sounded like to say "hamburglar." She fell down laughing. And then she told all her Spanish classes about it. I had kids coming up to me all day whispering, "hamburglar" to me.

7. I ran right next to a stranger for a mile without speaking or acknowledging him. My rule of thumb for passing runners is as follows: once in close range, pick up the pace and race past them so they don't feel bad that they're being passed and you don't have to wave at them or attempt some form of acknowledgment that is bound to be awkward. This guy was not following my rule. He passed me but wasn't going too much faster. I decided I could push myself a bit more so I matched his pace. He sped up. So did I. He slowed down. So did I. He was stuck and we both knew it. He couldn't pass me and I wasn't letting him out of this awkward moment he had initiated. I can only wonder what was going through his head as we ran for a good mile and I kept my eyes focused straight ahead.


  1. LOVE that you are back to bloggin! And I also love being at Bunco when you said something to that man about his view and he totally didn't hear you! I think you can add that to your list ;)

  2. so glad your blogging again,Mary tells strangers what a great writer you are!

  3. Oh My Gosh! Hilarious. You're good at those.

  4. Emma- I totally was thinking about that night!!! I was embarrassed and it was just you who witnessed me being rejected.

    Mom- Mary just thinks that because I used the word debacle in a text.

    Nathan- You have no idea. It's like I'm a magnet for them.

  5. Do you know what I love (aside from you blogging again, BBQ sauce, and fruit snacks)? I love your usage of "recently". Let’s face it, “the other day” is a trap and “awhile back” makes things seem irrelevant. But “recently” is pure gold. Bravo on a blog well posted and an anonymous, correctly executed, high five to the two blogs that inspired it.

  6. Oh, and I think often times the "too slow" high five is mistaken for the "limp digits" high five. In my extensive experience speed is not as big of a factor as finger tautness. Now I am going to go toss a microwave to test the depth of my "zone".

  7. Katie- A- do you really still eat fruit snacks? and B- do you think our first names has anything to do with the fact that we have the same sense of humor?

  8. These are so funny!!! I love when others are around when awkward situations happen. This is real life, people.

    (My mom once asked a woman with a "flowy top" when she was due. The woman responded with "I'm not pregnant." That is when my dad stepped in and said, "No, my wife asked, 'What do you do?'" *grimace*
    Mom, you never have to know. Just be okay never knowing if someone is preggo or not.)