Friday, December 10, 2010

10 Everyday Injuries

In our second game Kari might have set a new school record by making eleven 3 pointers. Eleven. That's unheard of. But sadly, I think I may have stolen her thunder. How you ask? Watch this video. I'm standing in the green yelling at Kristen to get in front of her man.
video

I kind of wish the video was clearer and I could figure out the slow motion feature, but I kind of don't. It's painful enough reliving this moment of sheer shame and humiliation. Have you ever had an entire gym laugh at you? I don't recommend it. I had experienced this as a player, but never as a coach. Here was my thought process in those 2 seconds after the ball nailed me in the face at 100 miles per hour:

"Oh no. Did others see that?"

"Why didn't I move my arms?"

"Did I just get whiplash?"

"That must have looked pretty hilarious." (that's when I bent my knees laughing)

"Maybe if I don't react, no one else will either." (so I kept my arms folded the entire time and looked at no one)

In the corner of my eye, I notice girls falling out of their chairs laughing. "Shoot. I think they noticed. I think thee entire gym is laughing at me."

"What should I do?"

"Should I sit down now?"

"My face has never felt this hot."

"So this is what blushing feels like."

"Continue to play it cool, Katie. And don't look up and show your red face."

Turn back to face the game hoping they will just pass the ball in and continue the game. But they don't. The refs were both laughing and asking me if I was okay. (this portion mercifully did not make the video.)

"I'm fine, stripes. Just pass the stupid ball in."

At the very end of the video you can still hear one of my girls laughing pretty hard. The next day I was met with lots of re-enactments and yells across the quad, "Coach! Is your face okay?"

It actually didn't hurt that badly because it just hit my cheek but it got me to thinking about little everyday injuries that I despise. Since it's the 10th, here is my list:

10 Everyday Injuries I Absolutely Abhor:

1. Getting hit in the head or face with a ball. The absolute worst is getting hit in the nose. Instant watery eyes and a pain unique only to "ball hits nose" situations. Not only must you deal with the intense stinging sensation in your face, you also have to endure the embarrassment of appearing weak and crying like a little pansy because you got hit in the face.

2. Stubbing a toe. I surprise even myself by what flies out of my mouth when I stub my toe. In this week alone, I've found myself saying, "Good Golly, Miss Molly", "Yowsers","Shnikees", "flippin flippity flip", "Jimmeney Cricket, "Holy Moly", and of course the classic, "ow ow ow ow" made famous by this lady. Who knew one little toe could cause so much pain?

3. Jamming a finger. I'm not sure why one can "stub" a toe but not a finger, but this "jamming" is not nearly as fun as it sounds. The instant swell is at least proof of injury whereas the toe stub leaves no proof so you just look silly for hoopin and hollerin and dancing around on one foot. Event though they do serve as proof of your pain, those fat fingers are pretty gnarly.

4. Hitting the funny bone. What ironic slang-maker thought up that name? I am not amused. Now, not only are you stifling tears as you explain you hit your funny bone, you have to hear the "it's not so funny, is it?" jokes.

5. Getting the wind knocked out. I couldn't tell you the last time I had this happen, until two days ago. I was scrimmaging against my team and right after I shot the ball, Kari punched me in the gut as part of her "box out." I doubled over and created a very awkward moment where I didn't talk for a good 60 seconds. My team didn't know what to do. If you've ever seen me seriously hurt, you've witnessed the "Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde" transformation. I'm not proud of it but when I get hurt, I become a bit of a beast. Kari later told me she was terrified for the next 15 minutes as I literally threw her to the ground at one point.

6. Falling and scraping hands, arms, and or knees on asphalt. I had forgotten how badly this hurts. When you're a kid, this happens all the time but somewhere between 5th grade and adulthood, you stop falling and forget about this stinging sensation. However, I was reminded of this pain a few years ago while playing one-on-one against Trent in the backyard. He shoved me to the ground and I scraped up my hands pretty badly. Okay, it didn't LOOK bad but it hurt like crazy. Of course, the transformation took place and I glared at Trent and yelled, "I can't feel my hands!" and stormed off the court.

7. Water up the nose. Another unpleasant stingy sensation. Another reason for me to storm off and yell at my family. I credit my dad for instilling a love for adventure in me from a young age. He used to force us to body surf rather large waves because he knew we'd have fun but we also typically were THRASHED by waves. I was okay with the thrashing and even the panic when I didn't know which way to swim to find the surface. However, if I got water up the nose, it was over. I can still see my stubborn, 10-year old self decked out in a cool one-piece with a giant hole cut out in the middle, storming out of the ocean, glaring at my father and growling, "I got water up the nose! Happy?"

8. Shampoo in the eyes. Like scraping my hands on asphalt, I sympathize with kids who get their hair washed and end up suffering from this ailment. The girl who does my hair once got distracted and accidentally let this happen. This created an incredibly awkward moment as I tried not to let her notice so she wouldn't feel bad but I couldn't stop squinting and my left eye kept watering. I lied about it and said I had an eye-lash in my eye. Ever since, I've learned to close my eyes while she washes my hair but I always wonder if this is what everyone does or if she thinks I'm odd.

9. Paper cuts. I'm a bit baffled by how such a lightweight weapon could do so much damage. Plus, you have to hide the pain because if you ever admit to someone that you're grimacing because of a paper cut, they are guaranteed to laugh in your face. I don't really understand why, though. These hurt. Can we please all agree to stop laughing and start sympathizing with paper cut victims?

10. Biting the tongue or inside of the cheek in the exact same spot twice. Why oh why does this always seem to happen? Once is bad but nothing to complain about. I have no sympathy for you if you say you bit your tongue. But if you say this was the second time you've bit that spot, I will grimace with you. That second bite will cause me to yelp in pain and frustration. And then I'll feel like an idiot because who gets hurt chewing food? I do. The girl who gets hit in the face with a basketball and tries to pretend like nobody saw.

4 comments:

  1. I too got blasted with a soccer ball and hit in the head( or was it the chest) but by Mike Becher,ask him,he still talks about it 20 years later! It hurt but I was embaressed !!!Crazy

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  2. Oh, I am so laughing...You are such a hoot and I can truly imagine the merciless teasing (it's love in some twisted up on itself fashion) that will flow from this forever.

    Thanks for your humility and humor.

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  3. Good analysis of the 10 ten daily injuries! Do you think slamming a finger in the door should have made it? Although, jamming a finger is kinda similar.
    Oh!.... remember when Stephanie Coleman got pegged in the back of her head running down court while not paying attention, that was the worst ball in the face/head I have ever seen-ha! or was yours to the face worse?!?!?

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  4. Megs- good call on the door-slammed finger. I think I've only ever experienced that once though so I don't think about it much. However, I thought of some more today when I dropped the blow dryer on my toe and then burned my finger on the curling iron when I was testing it to see if it was hot. Idiot. And I don't even remember a Stephanie Coleman so no, I don't remember her getting pegged. I wish I did. Mine was pretty bad. My neck still hurts.

    Mom- I don't remember Mike hitting you with the soccer ball! How am I forgetting about these incredible sports moments? I remember you wandering out onto the soccer field during a game when cell phones first came out but I don't remember you getting nailed. The embarrassment does often hurt more than the actual injury.

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