E-mail Subject Lines

I stopped despising and began embracing awkward moments in college. I began to love and appreciate them because I had become friends with Katie, my "awkward soul sister." Whenever I would experience awkwardness I would immediately go to her dorm room to tell her about it. It made the typically painful moments not as painful knowing that I all I had to was NOT DIE during the moment and then I could enjoy it and laugh about it moments later with Katie.

I mentioned here how we became friends because of an awkward moment when she saw me accidentally drool during class. And from that point on, our friendship thrived on the moments when one of us did something terribly awkward.

It happened a lot.

She once hosted a recruit overnight and called my dorm room to ask what the girl's name was. I hadn't remembered either. Poor Katie was stuck toting the girl around campus all day and entering situations when she should have been making introductions but couldn't since she didn't know her name. I hate those situations.

It's just plain awful when you have to make introductions and don't know the persons name. I'm not sure if there even exists a non-awkward way to get out of that pickle. And I also hate those situations when you want to ask a question (like someone's name) but it's way too late to ask. I still don't know the cities where some of my friends live and the jobs some of their husbands have because I know I should know by now.

I also still avoid using some students names because I'm unsure of the pronunciation or what they told me to call them. "Wait, I know I've had you in class for 2 months but do you prefer Ben or Benjamin?" Or, "Is it pronounced Bri anna or Bri aunna?" Speaking of, please don't name your daughter Brianna or Briaunna. I have three of them right now and I just call them all Bri.

The nameless recruit ended up going to one of our rival schools and turned out be pretty awesome. I blamed Katie for her decision to not come to Westmont. Jerk never introduced her to a soul.

One of my favorite stories about Katie and awkwardness came after our team lost a close game. Katie had family in town to see so she rushed into the locker room to quickly change. She dropped her uniform shorts and grabbed for her pants right as our male coach whom she hadn't noticed sitting in the corner said, "You might want to wait to do that."

That one still makes me laugh and I didn't even witness it.

We live states apart now and neither of us are big "phone people" and thus, ours has become an e-mailing relationship. Now whenever I experience a painfully awkward moment, I don't run to her dorm room, I run to the computer and e-mail her. Before I got into blogging, I still wrote about all my awkward moments and teaching confessions, but these were the subjects of my e-mails to Katie.

She does the same for me. And she has some killer awkward stories. I look forward to her e-mails like I do to a new episode of Modern Family or a midnight showing of Harry Potter. Unfortunately, my e-mails to Katie have dwindled since I've started blogging. Most of my typical e-mail information has become blogging material. I still send her the boring, "this is what I'm up to" info and the uncensored material that I wouldn't want my colleagues and acquaintances to know about but frankly, I don't censor myself too much on here. Though I think my mom wishes I would.

I was thinking about my e-mails with Katie today for three reasons.

One- I wanted to write her one to tell her I had chosen Butler to do well in the tournament because that is her last name. I knew nothing about the team. So thanks for that.

Two- I wanted to ask if she's pulled out any more 10 foot long tape worms from her dog's butt.

Three- I wanted to tell her about a number of mildly awkward moments on Thursday and ask for her advice in how to deal with them.

Now however, I share most (not all- some are just too painful) but most of my awkward moments with you- you being my aunts and sisters and a few lurkers who do google searches about moldy gatorade and outhouses and end up here.

It's fun to share my awkwardness with the world, but I feel like I'm gypping Katie. I mean, she is my "awkward soul sister" and all.

So before I tell you about my Thursday of awkwardness, I feel the need to pay tribute to my fantastically funny friend who inspires me to embrace the awkwardness in my life. Monday, I'll tell you about those special moments and ask for your advice, but today let me give you a small glimpse into the witty and random mind of Katie Butler.

Here are some of the subject lines of the e-mails I have received from her over the past few years:

The Big White Loch Ness Monster

A scene from my play which I may name "Gooberville- Population One- The Katie Butler Story- Seen Through the Eyes of Katie Butler"

Borderline retard paraplegic

Rotten cheese

I am also a bit afraid of blacks and lesbians...

Am I Debbie Downer in this situation or Katie Krapper?

I want to sleep with a Koala (keep it clean)

Asses are amazing (does that count as an alliteration?)

Finally shaved my legs...must be the 21st century.

Things you don't want to hear in a public restroom...

I think I'm your bi@ch (just couldn't write it out all the way)

Check Your Pants

Rubber poop...the best kind

Eye boogers

Bird Crap

Balls of furry...or is it fury?

Crusty shorts

Ailurophobia...fear of cats

Dag Nab

Neighbors with guns

Crap Bag vs. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock

Gravity Boots

Uh, I am pretty sure LOST came before Grey's and "Jack" is normal...Grey's stole...not LOST.

Lifelines and Bladder Control

Goob

I Like Corn on the Cob

The Zambezi be a flowin'

Nappy headed...mops

See. This girl is a riot. She what she did with the last "hoes" reference? I don't think I even got that one at the time. I wish everyone would use subject lines as specific and random as these because when I read "Hey" and "Hello" in the subject line, I am never very excited to read the e-mail. So let's take a lesson from an e-mailing genius and be interesting in the subject lines, k?

Come back tomorrow to read about the awkwardness.